We conflate ‘responsibility’ and ‘fault’, and it’s harmful.
If something is your fault, you are the cause of it having happened
If something is your responsibility, you are taking ownership for fixing it
Fault = past
Responsibility = present
You can take responsibility for something even if it isn’t your fault
Great strength in this
This is how to take back control of something that otherwise might be totally out of your control
Learnt this from Mum. A couple of particularly bad teachers at school. They didn’t teach the content well. They made mistakes. Mum: “you’ll have to live with your grade in the end, not them. So what are you going to do about it?” That’s taking responsibility for something even if it isn’t your fault.
Apply this everywhere in life and you will be in control of your life.
“Why should I take responsibility for it when it wasn’t my fault?” - because then you’ll have control of your life for the first time. “But that’s not fair!” - that’s just a story to keep you trapped in blame and unhappiness. What purpose does that story serve? Props up your ego. Makes you feel good compared to someone else. Ultimately keeps you unhappy.
Expecting the person at fault to take responsibility is trying to control other people. Doesn’t end well (manipulation, at best…)
Blaming instead of taking responsibility keeps you trapped in trying to change the past. Futile. Leads to anger, resentment (ultimately a form of emotional self-harm. definitely suboptimal.)
