Today might just be journalling - I’m too tired for anything too coherent.

There’s a suitcase there

Huh, I would like this space better if I were to tidy it up

(I started that sentence as “I should move it” but I’m trying to limit my use of the word should and reframe as what purpose doing it would serve)

Should is a kind of dangerous word

It’s similar to “amtssprache”—language that, according to Marshall Rosenberg, the Nazis used to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. “Superior’s orders”; “he told me to”

“Should” is a subtly toxic way of ascribing that something is objectively “right” without having to justify that fact

Much easier than vulnerably saying what’s alive in you that desires a something to happen

And much easier than having to question your programming; your assumptions

OK, so, why “should” I move the suitcase?

Because rooms should be tidy? Well, that’s hard to define, and did I ever decide that or was it just programmed into me? I’d like to be more intentional than that

I do feel a little uneasy about the case being there, though. Because I have a certain need for aesthetic balance in the spaces where I unwind… I would prefer… now we’re getting to the more real, more authentic, reasons.

I actually think I was resisting moving the suitcase BECAUSE it felt like an obligatory thing that a parent or society would want me to do.

When I start to think for myself, I can see that I would enjoy being in the space more if the suitcase were put away.