There’s a tradition in Judaism called “sitting shiva”. It’s a seven day mourning period after someone dies and is buried. Their immediate family sit on low stools and the door is open for well-wishers to come and chat. Prayers happen in the house, too. People bring food so that the mourners don’t have to cook.
Lots of reflecting, sharing stories, being comforted.
I’ve been one of the visitors to a shiva several times, but recently when my dad died was the first time I’d been one of the mourners.
I can totally see the value. There are two things that people might do when they’re grieving that probably aren’t healthy:
- Ignore and suppress all the feelings, go about life as normal
- Get depressed, ruminate, wallow, don’t get out of bed
Shiva cunningly prevents both of these. You’re forced to confront the reality of that person being gone, and talk about it, instead of burying yourself in other things. And at the same time people are showing up at your house at 8am for prayers, and walking in and out all day, so you can’t stay in bed ignoring the world altogether.
At the same time, I didn’t realise quite how intense it would be! You’re constantly socialising (even if it’s just one person at a time), and sitting with all those emotions. So powerful, but also so draining.
