The evolution

This video starts at the first version of the outline, on December 31. It shows how the outline keeps evolving as I write and get more clarity on how everything fits together. Chapters move, chapters become sections, sections become chapters…

The current outline

1. The mess, and how we got into it
   1. Two conflicting needs (authenticity/stand out/express vs attachment/fit in/impress)
      1. We all start out being authentically ourselves. we want something, we cry for it
      2. ideal world: we get love
      3. if not, we choose attachment instead. smart safe move.
      4. as an adult - that self-abandonment starts to feel icky
   2. Not knowing what we want in life (you used to know)
      1. Kids always know
      2. But then…
         1. Fear of their reaction (mad/guilting/love withdrawn in some way)
         2. Called selfish
         3. Don’t deserve / haven’t earned / shame around having
         4. Shame around wanting. Something wrong with (me / ) the want itself
   3. Consequences of that
      1. People-pleasing
         1. A solid strategy (doing what other people want, so they don’t get mad / guilt us / etc)
         2. Managing their perception of us
            1. I’ll stay small / do XYZ to manage your emotions so that I feel safe
      2. Overthinking, decision paralysis
      3. Feeling stressed, overwhelmed
      4. Believe there’s a right / have to get it right
      5. Nervous system on high alert
         1. (Circles model?)
   4. The world we can reach
      1. The felt sense of alignment. Joy. Light. Effortless effort (OJ)
      2. Nervous system feels safe (circles)
      3. What do I actually want?
         1. Short and long term
         2. (Will become clearer as we work through the later sections)
      4. (Their response doesn’t matter!)
      5. Wands. Keeping heart open.
      6. Friends, circumstances that support you
      7. Large scale - healing the world
2. Roadmap: separating my stuff from their stuff, asking for what i want
   1. (What blame, resentment, projection are)
   2. (Expectation vs expectancy)
   3. Projection
   4. Resentment
   5. Burnout, stress as the result of those
   6. Selfishness. It’s not selfish - my responsibility to keep my heart open to the world (wands)
      1. Resentment (nothing to do with them. Resentment as not owning my own wants)
      2. Everything is a choice (have to / choose to)
   7. Apologies/forgiveness, and thanks, from the upright place (truth, not manipulation)
   8. Shoulds vs wants. What do I actually want?
      1. Owning my wants and feelings - (putting my wants and their wants back in the right hands)
      2. My feelings, needs, wants
         1. Refines as we own it
      3. NVC
   9. Communicating that - assertiveness
      1. Our wants as separate from their response
         1. Saying we want s/th ≠ demanding it
            1. (Assertive looks like aggressive)
            2. I want. I’m feeling. How would you feel about. How does that sit for you. This feels scary for me but important. (Vulnerability.) FREEZE (if they welcome that - healing)
      2. Assertive / passive / aggressive / passive-aggressive
      3. Just owning/asking closes the loop. Their response doesn’t matter - knowing what’s alive in them is a gift (unless we don’t want the resulting emotions)
      4. Saying no, allowing no, trusting no
         1. (can’t be assertive if you think they’ll give a resenting yes)
         2. Fear of rejection
   10. Boundaries
       1. it’s what i’ll do not what they have to do
          1. what i have to do to keep my heart open
       2. they can change over time
       3. they’re just what’s true for you, they can’t be ‘wrong’
       4. vs ultimatum
3. Roadmap: feeling trapped emotions
   1. Wtf are emotions
      1. We don’t want the thing, we want the feeling
         1. And the same for avoiding things / avoiding feelings
            1. “What am I trying to avoid feeling?”
         2. Emotions feel good. Resisting them doesn’t
      2. Body awareness
         1. Being in the head vs in the body
         2. Can feel unsafe. That’s why we overthink (and have addictions)
      3. TRE, practical embodiment
   2. Each emotion
      1. Recognising emotions, emotion wheel
      2. Including: what their beauty is. Why we’re scared of them. How they embody
         1. Anger
         2. Grief, sadness
         3. Anxiety, fear
         4. Excitement and happiness (separate these?)
         5. Guilt
         6. Shame
         7. (Overwhelm, stress, depression, burnout?)
         8. Joy, love, contentment (unresisted, all the emotions are love?)
4. When we have conflicting wants; resistances
   1. Want now (immediate) vs want to have done (long-term)
      1. Connecting in with the part of me that does want the enjoyment of the journey toward the long-term goal
   2. Procrastination (without the shame/shoulds, it’s just a signal of multiple wants)
   3. Shaming/managing ourselves, vs aligned progress
      1. Action without forcing (not ‘trying’, force vs effortless effort)
      2. (Workplace; relationships; different contexts? Religious shame/sin?)
5. Universe, natural movement toward our intention
   1. (1 chapter or more?)
      1. (The rationalist’s guide to manifesting)
      2. All else being equal, we naturally move toward our intention. Like a plant
      3. So it’s not how do I get there, it’s what am I doing to stop myself from being there already? What part of me feels safer with it this way?
      4. Attraction, pitching for business - everyone outsources their opinion to your energy/belief
      5. Owning what we want - and believing we deserve it - fundamentally changes how we act in the world, and so changes what happens to/for us
   2. Money blocks / scarcity mindset generally
      1. Money is so fucking abundant
      2. (Take the beliefs, change them to something you believe is abundant, see how they sound)
      3. So what am i doing to push it away & why?
      4. Without that - it’ll come, because it was already there, everywhere