What’s the point of an argument?

First let’s define what the starting criteria of an argument looks like:

• I think one thing.
• You think a different thing.

Cool. What’s next?

I used to think the point of an argument was to persuade the other person that the thing I’m thinking is right, and that theirs is wrong.

But that’s so limiting. And often so damaging.

If your goal is to win: you both lose.

Now I’d answer differently: the point of an argument is to learn.

Get curious about why they think the thing they think. Step into their house. See what it’s like.

A few things might happen:

• You learn something new about the topic
• You learn something new about the other person
• You learn something new about yourself
• You feel a greater sense of connection with the other person
• They feel a greater sense of connection with you—they fulfil an often unfulfilled human need: being heard

All of those seem like huge wins to me. They’re all growth. And if you’re not growing, you’re not really living.